


Robot Boy

by gunslingaaahhh



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:24:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunslingaaahhh/pseuds/gunslingaaahhh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has a lot to think about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Robot Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the Linkin Park song of the same name, off the 'A Thousand Suns' album. Second coda for 1x24/Finale.
> 
> Follows War Games, but can be read independently of that story.

It had been a very long time since Steve had felt uncertainty. Danny always freaked out about Steve running into things, because _how could he know? How does he know if there or aren’t people in there waiting to blow our heads off?_ and Steve understood, he did. Danny’s default settings consisted of indignant rage and unnecessary worry; he didn’t realize that Steve just knew things were going to go the way he wanted when he walked into a situation.

The sense of cold calm that washed over him was something he welcomed, always. It was his body’s way of telling him that everything was in tune. He had finely tuned instincts and they had yet to fail him; truthfully, he wasn’t sure if his instincts were _capable_ of failing him.

Until he walked into a trap, had allowed himself to drop his defenses enough to show the governor all the emotions he’d tried to hard to keep submerged within, shoved way down deep where no one could see.

When he’d heard Chin tell him to drop his weapon, he’d just been staring at her, leaned over in her chair, bright red blood-roses standing out against the crisp white of her shirt. He had no recollection of the pulling the trigger, just astonished outrage and darkness. The gun being in his hand… he’d looked down at it, in slow motion, before leveling his gaze with Chin and just staring at him. The other man’s face was blank, save for a few twitches of disgust. Steve always did have trouble reading Chin, wished that he’d tried a little harder as he allowed Chin to cuff him and drag him downstairs.

His voice had come unbidden, the words tumbling out of his mouth even as he was muscled into the HPD blue-and-white. Danny had appeared then – and where was he before, where the hell had he been – and Steve had tried to tell him, too, that it was Wo Fat. He said it right up until the door was slammed shut between them and he was being driven away, stock still and wide-eyed in his shock. There were a few quick glances into the rear-view mirror, he could see Danny pin-wheeling his arms, a hurricane blowing ineffectually at a mountain.

The words had stopped as soon as he was in the car, and he remained silent the entire ride to HPD. His jaw clenched tight as they purposefully bumped his head against the frame of the car, as they man-handled him into the building. He could hear what he’d thought Danny had been saying that he’d get him out. He held onto that thought, that knowledge and tried to secure himself in it. It was hard to do, especially once he saw Kono, saw the look on her face as she stared right back at him.

It had felt like the floor had dropped out from underneath him, white noise filling his ears. The officer working the camera for his in-take photo had barked him a few times before he got with the program, slowing turning to that he was facing the camera. As the flash went off, he could feel that security drifting away from him, could feel a tidal wave of emotions crashing together across his features. His eyes were scratchy from unshed tears, and he was sure they were probably blood-shot, as well. The flash went off again and he steeled his spine, refusing to bend even a little to the hushed remarks and looks of mortified shock on the faces of the other officers in the room.

Before he could say anything to Kono – ask what had happened, why she was there, what was going _on_ – he was whisked away again, down towards the holding cells. He knew they weren’t going to keep him there; he’d sit in a cell for a few hours and they’d move him again to a more secure facility.

Shoved unceremoniously into his cell, he shot a glare over his shoulder as the barred door slid shut and he was left alone. The space was absurdly small; he’d never noticed before just how small the holding cells were. It was only a few paces across, and walking the perimeter took precious little time. A few hours would be an eternity in there.

He sat on the bench to wait, positive either Danny or Jenna would come to see him, Danny especially, no way his partner would leave him alone like that.

Periodically he’d check his watch, brow furrowing as it got later and later – or was it earlier? It had been some ungodly hour when he’d gone to the governor’s house, it was probably close to morning if not there already. And if that was the case, where was the remainder of his team? His only visitors had been officers, coming down every so often to make sure he wasn’t causing trouble. He didn’t bother to ask about anyone else; if someone had come, they’d have been down to see him by now.

A little voice in the back of his mind – the one he’d been trying hard to ignore for the past few hours – kept piping up to tell him that no one was coming. A few tiny threads of sanity would pull strenuously taut before he would shake himself and internally scold; it was ridiculous to even think that no one would come down to at least give him an update, a whisper of what the evidence was saying. That little voice, though, that little voice wouldn’t quit it, just kept right on saying it over and over again.

 _No one is coming to save you, Steve, and do you know why? Because you were wrong. For once in your perfect little life you’re wrong; no amount of training or skill can change that or the fact that your friends have abandoned you._

A guttural sort of half-gasp, half-sob escaped his throat, and he clamped a hand over his mouth. He leaned forward, glancing out of the bars; he was alone, no one had heard him. He shook his head ‘no,’ because they wouldn’t abandon him, not if they could help it, not now when he really needed them. It was inconceivable and he refused to let himself even go there; he’d see at least one familiar face before they transferred him.

~*~

The guard who escorted him to and from the yard called him ‘Robot Boy,’ because whenever he was in the presence of someone else he was completely devoid of emotion. It took a lot, it really did, considering how broken down he was inside.

No one had come, and they’d finally restrained him and taken him to prison, HPD officers whooping as he was escorted out. It had been impossible to keep his mask of composure then, because these had been men he’d worked with, had trusted for back-up. They were _cheering_ as he was loaded up and taken away, they were happy about it. There was no sympathy reflected in their eyes, and it was until the doors had been closed and they were pulling away that he let the tears come. It was only a few, a handful at most, but the dam had been broken and it was only a matter of time before he broke down completely.

He hadn’t been in solitary at first. Truth be told, he probably should have been, for the protection of the other prisoners. There were men there who he’d had a hand in putting away, and they weren’t exactly thrilled to see him so much as glad to have a chance at retribution. He’d only been in a week when the first fight happened; he’d broken a few noses and jaws before the guards finally got the better of him and dragged him away. After that, he couldn’t be alone for more than a few minutes at a time before some inmate or other came at him with a shank or some other home-made weapon. They’d had to shave his head – he hadn’t been that bald since basic – so there wasn’t anything for the inmates to grab and hold onto when they pounded his face in.

When they told him he’d been transferred to solitary, he was confused. Of course, they gave him only cursory reasons and at first he hadn’t been too bothered by it. However, as single-minded and solitary a creature as he liked to think he was, nothing could prepare him for the hours of loneliness. He didn’t have very much to amuse himself with, there being only a bed, toilet, and sink in the cell. _Now_ , he’d thought, _now they’ll come and see me, soon as they hear that I got transferred._

It had been another three weeks before Jenna had come, flustered and all over the place as she always was. Steve had been taken aback, not expecting to see her but glad of it regardless. They’d say on either side of the glass, each of them holding a phone to an ear.

“There was so much red tape, Steve, I’m so sorry—“ she’d said, fidgety and trying to hard to convey how dismayed by the whole thing she truly was.

“What have you guys got?” he’d asked, gently cutting her off; she was worse than Danny when it came to rambling sometimes.

“Not much; we’re being stonewalled at every turn, it’s ridiculous. And it isn’t just you we’ve got to worry about, either, there’s that whole mess with Kono and that is just, you should hear them in HPD, it’s awful.” A wrinkle of disgust forms between her eyebrows; Steve had heard about what happened with Kono and the money, kicking himself for not being more thorough. She was in jail too and it was his fault.

“Just keep at it, I know you guys will get something,” he’d said, waiting to see if she’d say anything about Danny or if he’d have to bring it up himself. When she didn’t say anything, just sort of deflated, Steve decided to go for it, because he needed to know.

“Has… has Danny said anything about coming in here? I mean I get why you haven’t been able to, now, I’d been wondering about it before, but will he now? There’s stuff I need to ask him.”

“Uh, well, he’s got some things he needs to take care of. I’ve only seen a little of him, because he’s constantly running around, he just pops in, throws stuff on the desk and pops out again.”

Steve’s brows furrowed in confusion, “what else is he working on? God, how do you guys have _time_ for anything else?” and he hates how needy and clingy that makes him sound.

Jenna just stares at him, dozens of emotions swirling through her eyes. There is absolutely something she isn’t telling him, and he wants to press it and ask what else is going on, why his fucking partner hasn’t been to see him and he’s been in jail for almost two months. The guard announces that time is up, though, and Jenna tells him she’s sorry and that she’ll tell Danny to get his ass in there but she can’t guarantee anything.

Before he knows it, he is alone again, tucked back into his cell. Being alone is terrible when that little voice isn’t so little now, conjuring up all sorts of reasons why Danny has been avoiding coming to see him. All of them are awful, all of them make no sense, and Steve wracks his brain to see if there were signs, if there were things he should’ve seen before but comes up empty. Danny is as solid as a rock, there is very little that could shake him and if he hasn’t been able to see Steve it isn’t for lack of trying.

At least, that’s what Steve tells himself as the lights go out for the night and it’s just him and slivers of moonlight.

~*~

Two long weeks later and Steve is told he has a visitor, and he’ll get an extended amount of time to talk to them. He barely dares to hope that it’s Danny, though – even Chin has been to see him, speaking in carefully composed tones, giving Steve certain looks. Jenna had been back, too, filling him in best as she could, trying to keep a brave face for his sake.

The feeling in his chest when he sees Danny sitting on the other side of the glass is overwhelming and Steve could cry, he’s so happy. Danny rears back in shock when he catches a glimpse of his own, eyes widening at the pallor of Steve’s skin, the dark circles beneath his eyes, the short crop of hair and the weight he’s already lost.

He picks up the phone and is speaking into it even before Danny has picked up his, excited as he is.

“Danno, oh my God, you have no idea how glad I am to see you, man I—“

“What has Jenna told you,” Danny asks, and Steve notices that Danny doesn’t look like a spring rose himself, is rocking his own dark circles and tired frame.

“Jenna? You mean about the case? As much as she can, it isn’t like she can openly discuss details about evidence or—“

“I meant about me, about what I haven’t been able to see you.”

“Oh… no, just that you had some stuff, y’know, things that needed to be taken care of,” and Steve hates the little tremble in his voice. Because the idea that Danny had been stalling all the time, had truly been avoiding him… that was too much and Steve squashed the thoughts as best he could.

Danny doesn’t speak, just looks at him before bowing his head, running his free hand through his hair.

“I had to go to Jersey,” he begins, holding up a hand to signal Steve to stop when he tries to open his mouth. “I had to go because Rachel went with Grace, and I couldn’t get on the plane with them before.”

Steve watches his mouth move, hearing the words and trying to process what they meant.

“What—Jersey? Danny, what the hell did she take Grace to Jersey for? Are they—are they ok, it didn’t have anything to do with what as going on did it? Jesus Christ…” Steve trails off, terrible scenarios flying through his mind, visions of Wo Fat holding Rachel at gunpoint or threatening Grace.

“Can you shut up? Fuck, not everything with this is about you, ok? Instead of going to the airport like I’d wanted, I went to the governor’s because I knew, I just _knew_ you’d be there—“

“Like you wanted—Danny, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean, going to the airport?” Steve asks, his voice rising in pitch and volume from his shock.

Danny just stares at him, eyes searching his face before he finally loses it and breaks down. Steve is speechless, watching Danny fight to control the sobs that want to break loose from him, his whole body shaking with it. Steve tries to soothe him, but Danny waves him off, eyes angry as he wipes away his tears.

“Don’t you understand, you Neanderthal? I was going to _leave_ , I was ready to go. That night I came over and brought the beer? And you were in stealth mode and almost broke my arm – again – and I flipped out because you went to the governor’s house _even though_ I’d told you not to? We were supposed to talk about it, I was supposed to tell you how it was gonna be, what happened and what was going to happen, but then you had to go and be your stupid, Devil-may-care self and _fuck it up_ ,” Danny spits, and Steve can’t tell now where that anger is directed.

“I—I don’t get it,” he says quietly, trying to push down a swell of panic that’s fighting it’s way into his chest cavity and around his lungs.

“Yes you do, ok, you’re a smart guy. If I hadn’t heard the squawk over the radio about the shit-show at the governor’s, I would’ve been on a plane with my ex-wife and my daughter back to Jersey, because she is leaving Stan and is pregnant with my child. Except that the radio squawked, a dozen worst-case-scenarios practically punched me in the face, so instead of going to the airport, I went to you. I went to you and there you were, cuffed and being stuffed into the backseat of a car. And the fuck, Steve, it isn’t like I can fix this in a few days, alright? I’m not a fucking _magician_.”

There is something hysterical creeping into Danny’s tone, because at this point Steve is stone-faced; he is Robot Boy again, walls all built up and solid. The words coming from Danny, the words telling him that this man was going to leave him – and over a couple of beers, like that would’ve made it easier – broke something in his brain, it must have. Because the Danny he knows would never do that to him, the Danny he knows has too much heart and respect and love for his job and his team to just abandon them like that.

To abandon Steve like that.

“So not only do I have _this_ mess to worry about, my _life_ has suddenly become a mess and I couldn’t just not explain what had happened to Rachel, ok, so I took a few days and went there and we talked about it and I explained to her that I had to finish things up here, that I needed to at least try to get you and Kono out before I shipped off, so here I am, and I’ve got very little to show for it.”

He stops, finally, sagging in his chair and wiping wayward tears from his eyes.

“You were just gonna go… do you realize that if it wasn’t that night if would’ve been a different night? That if things had timed out differently it would’ve just been a different day? What then, a big ‘fuck you, I’m not your guy anymore’ because you would’ve been having a grand old time in New Jersey?”

Steve’s tone is even, or as even as it can be, because he’s too shocked to consider what’s actually been said.

“I would’ve come back—“

“Fuck you, Danny,” Steve says, hanging up his phone and standing, gesturing for the guard to come and get him. Danny sits there, an expression of shock on his face as he watches Steve walk away.

Steve holds it together right up until the heavy door to his cell is closed and locked, and after that all hell breaks loose. He attacks the walls, punching at them until there are smears of blood and his knuckles are busted wide open. He realizes that he is screaming, that he can’t really see what he’s doing because he’s crying, _really_ crying, and finally he collapses to the floor. It feels like someone ripped out his heart and stomped on it, did a fucking _Riverdance_ on it, and that person is Danny.

Because Steve loves him, and he thought Danny loved him, too, in some way. Once again he was wrong, once again his instincts were off and he was wrong. He wraps his arms around his knees and rocks back and forth, bawling. The governor’s betrayal was bad, he’d thought that had to be the worst thing he’d ever heard.

Danny’s words running circles through his head? No, that was definitely the worst.

~*~

It’s been a few months now, and there is a lawyer and evidence and Jenna is hopeful; Kono has been released, has been cleared of her charges. She hit the ground running, Jenna told him, diving right into the case anywhere she could. Steve tries to share Jenna’s enthusiasm, but it’s tough. He gets maybe one hour of sunlight a day and the lack of vitamin D is making him cranky; he can’t exercise nearly as much as he wants and it’s making him weak; he hasn’t heard from Danny since the last time and as much as he hated him before, he just misses the other man now.

When Danny comes to visit the second time, Steve is truly shocked; Danny looks like ten miles of unpaved road. His eyes are the saddest things Steve has ever seen, and it takes a lot for him to remember how badly Danny had hurt him before.

“Steve, I—“ Danny begins, voice catching in his throat. He swallows thickly, biting back his emotions. “It was a trick, a damn dirty trick. The whole thing… it was a trick.”

“What?” Steve asks, confused. He’s tired, too tired for games or riddles or whatever long winded tangent Danny seems to want to go off on.

“Rachel, the baby… she was on birth control the whole time. She was never really pregnant. It was a ploy, a gambit, to get me off the island and away from the case, so you’d be—so you’d be alone. And I fell for it, I fucking _fell for it_ ,” Danny gasps out, so angry and ashamed and sorry.

Steve can’t speak, isn’t sure what he’d say even if he could. Wo Fat wasn’t above something like that, no way, and Steve felt that old rage bubbling deep down that Danny had been played like that. He’d always worn his emotions on his sleeve, and as great a person as it made him, it also made him vulnerable, especially when it came to his ex-wife and Grace. That someone would be cruel enough to do something like that to Danny was bad, that Danny had gone along with it was almost worse.

“I’m so sorry,” Danny whispers, a hand pressed to the glass between them, fingers splayed. “I’m so, so fucking sorry, babe, I am. They hit me where I was weakest, you know? And how could I—how could I walk away from that? Jesus, I’m a fuck. I am such a fuck. Because I thought it was real, I thought it was fucking _real_ and I was ready to just uproot and go, no big deal. Fuck, I’m terrible. I am the absolute worst and I am so sorry.” Tears are streaming down his cheeks, and his hurt is laid bare on his face for Steve to see and revel in, if he so desired.

Part of Steve wants to, to dig the knife in further because Danny wasn’t the only one who’d been hurt. He wants Danny to understand how much it killed him inside to know that if the chance arose, Danny would be gone from him and Hawaii forever without so much as a look back. He says as much, and there is a grim satisfaction at the freshening of Danny’s tears as he nods in agreement.

“The worst part,” Danny says between tearful hiccups, “is that Rachel played her part _so well_. I can’t even believe—Grace is so confused, she hasn’t said a word to anyone since she found out. She’s so mad at me—I think she hates me, Steve, I do. I think she hates me because even though she’s nine she understands what a bad person I am, that I’d leave you guys. D’you know what she said? She said ‘they’re your ohana too.’”

“Weren’t we?” Steve asks, anger creeping into his voice now. “Because to me it felt like we were ohana. What, because we aren’t flesh-of-your-flesh we aren’t as important as your _other_ family?”

“I fucked up, ok, I know that. I don’t blame any of you if you never forgive me for it and I will get the proper request-for-transfer forms filled out if that’s what you want—“

“So you can just leave again?” Steve practically shouts. He’s got tears of his own now, and fuck it, he doesn’t care.

“You actually want me to stick around? I mean, when you get outta there – and believe me, it’s practically a done deal – you still want me to be your partner?”

“I’ve never wanted anyone else,” Steve says quietly, holding his own hand up to touch the glass where Danny’s still rests. “Wo Fat played with your emotions, he knew what was gonna happen, that’s why he did it. I can forgive you, I think.”

Danny can’t speak, just whines brokenly in the back of his throat, wishing there was no glass between them so he could actually tangle their fingers together.

“I need you strong so you can bust me out of here,” Steve says, looking Danny in the eye. “I know it hurts, and believe me, it’s practically killing me, but I need you strong. That way, when I’m out, we can take him down together.”

“Ok, just—Steve, I swear, if I’d known—“

“I know, Danno, I understand.”

Danny nods, breathing deeply to get himself under control. He’s trying to sort everything out, Steve can see him working through it, and he wishes he could just smash the glass, smash it and climb over the table and hold onto Danny for dear life.

“They’re gonna kick me out any second, I think… um, I’ll come back in a few days—is that ok?” Danny asks, brows furrowed with worry.

“Of course, please, yes,” Steve says, leaning towards the glass. “I missed you so much, Danno, when you didn’t come before…” and he can feel himself wanting to break down again, bites his lip to stave it off. “I’m in solitary and sometimes it’s like I can’t shut my brain off and I hear this little voice in the back of my head that says you guys don’t care, that you’re gonna leave me in there and—“

“What did I say, I said it’s almost a done deal, didn’t I? You’re gonna be outta there, we’re all gonna be together again, I swear. I swear on everything I have, babe.”

“Please just hurry, it’s terrible,” Steve whispers, eyes welling with unshed tears. He’s had training worse than this, was tortured worse than this, but somehow the emotional turmoil is infinitely worse and he has no idea how he is supposed to deal with it.

“Hey, you need me strong? I need _you_ to do the same thing, ok? We love you—I love you, alright, there I said it. I fucking love you and I am going to get you out, just sit tight.”

A guard is barking at Danny to put down the phone, times up, and he stands and backs away. He makes a little heart with his hands before he’s ushered out the door and Steve closes his eyes, burning the image into the backs of his eyelids for later when he’s alone. A guard tells him its time to go, and the walk back to his cell is no less disheartening, but there is a new flicker of hope in his heart now that makes the walk a little easier.

-FIN-  



End file.
